my one LITTLE word

my hopes for this year are high.

i want to capture life as it happens. i want to write more. i want to hone my creativity. i want to brush up with photography. i want to do this altogether. frequently. consistently.

yet these desires are overwhelming me. my intention to do this not just for my family but for myself as well makes it all daunting.

and for quite some time now, i've been doing a lot of thinking on how to channel all my energy into achieving all this. i've been working on how i can motivate (*challenge* would be more fitting) myself to put all these hopes into something that is realistic, something that is tangible.

this year, i am inspired by ali edwards' one little word. i am not joining her class though. but i like how this one little word is meant to inspire. i like how this word would lead you to endless possibilities.

and so my one little word for this year is focus. my hopes need my full concentration, my whole attention. i see that this little word would move me into making all my hopes come together.

i am happy with my one little word. it excites me. i feel that it will guide me. it will lead me to the right track. and my heart just beats for it, and that's what matters.

blissful moments

there are many things to be thankful for this month. after hubby's birthday, today we are celebrating our 5th anniversary. at about this time, we are done with our exchange of vows and was pronounced husband and wife. i can still remember what fr. ador told us in his homily...that 2:45PM, the exact time we were exchanging our vows, is our special prayer time - it is a time that we should pray for each other, where ever we may be. even at times when we failed to be consistent with this promise, because of the many things that we've been doing (although that is not a fair excuse), we never forget to pray for each other before bedtime. this year i hope start the habit of praying for my hubby during our special prayer time.

to my dear husband,

thank you for being with me through thick and thin. our journey was never easy and i know that things will remain to be challenging in the future, but knowing that you are there to take my hand every single step calms my restless heart. the life experiences we have shared along the way made us stronger as a couple and i could never imagine having anyone to share it with than you. YOU have made the journey worthwhile. thank you and i love you so much!

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and while i am in bliss, i am also celebrating friendships. it's always refreshing to be with friends who, even if you haven't seen for a while has kept the same warmth over the years. i love my college friends! i love how we have stood with each other as life unfolds. we've seen the best and worst of each other and i love that those were not enough reasons for us to grow apart but instead formed a stronger bond of friendship. i love that we were able to look back and laugh at all our impulsive decisions and silly mistakes during our younger years. and i love that those remained to be private among us. best of all, i love that we have remained true to each other over the years. it really feels good to have true friends who would welcome you with open arms in spite and despite of.

hopeful

As i bid goodbye to a challenging 2010, i am looking forward to 2011 with hope.
2010 was not a perfect year for me but God always has His way of making His presence felt in my life. He has gifted me another chance on motherhood, my top blessing for 2010. He has made me experience His love through the joys of having a wonderful, happy toddler who rocked my world big time. I found His strength through my loving husband to whom i find comfort when all else seemed helpless. He has constantly reminded me to be joyful, even when trials get the better of me.
As I welcome 2011 with much hope, I also embrace it with much thanksgiving as we celebrate my husband's birthday. His birthday has always been a gentle reminder for me to be thankful at the start of each year - with the blessing of another year of love, joy, and friendship.

Happy new year! May 2011 be a better year for all of us. Cheers!

cook-out peeps

we love to eat. we are happy eaters. we are happy to get together once a month and share not just meals but also secret recipes to good food. we look forward to this gathering since this is the time when we don't fight the urge to pig out. we are happy to get the better of each other in cooking! and we just get better and better each cook out fest.

we love to laugh. we love stories that even when told over and over earn endless laughter, stories that would make our jaws ache and eyes teary from too much laughing.

we love to be together. anywhere or any time of the day, each time is always a blast! because those are spent with wonderful friends.

yey for happy times!

first day high

euan is having a blast in school... from the first week that i observed him in class, he seemed to enjoy the new adventure - having new friends, wearing a uniform, having an "Iron Man" lunch bag (a must!) and just being in a class is such a thrill to him. i hope the energy won't wear off. i have this crazy feeling that he might not like it in school but with the way i see it, it won't be a problem. i like that he feels "at home" in school immediately - no separation anxiety at all! it seems that it's more of me that is having a hard time to let go of my little man! but i also think that feeling so at home is the very same reason that's going in the way of things. euan got a taste of discipline from his teacher when he was told to sit properly and to not put his feet on the table! talk about being so comfy and home-y! and so after i talked to euan, he told me he won't do it again ang promised to behave well in school. i'm pretty sure this won't be the last time (because school has just started!) but i am really hoping that i will be able to talk things out with him in a loving way so he could understand and obey easily. with his endless whys, patience (and a lot of love!) is really the key. i hope i can endure it all.

wow!

this was my son's word when he saw the recent LO i did of him for the Pagemaps challenge. 3 letters. big impact. and it came with a BIG, BIG HUG too!

i cherish the fact that it helps him remember the story when the photo was taken. i could also sense that he is happy to be part of my work. he is not big with words yet but hearing him express his thoughts on my work takes me on a different high. seeing him appreciate my work gives me a whole new sense of direction in documenting our life story. it inspires me to create more.

now on to the challenge...
i am a HUGE fan of pagmaps... i LOVE all their sketches and now, i am having FUN to actually try out the sketches... this is my 3rd 12x12 LO! yey! i am just so happy to be reunited with my papers again! here's the sketch and the goodies...

here's my son with my take on the pagemaps challenge...

Title: Baby Love

Materials used: Papers: Tree bugs in Rug, Basic Grey, Bella Blvd; Inks: Ranger; Transparencies, Jute string, buttons, flowers, and pearls

Journaling: You were just babies. But can we help it if you adore each other so much?

i did a few techniques here and did some hybrid embellies... i distressed the cut-out flowers and i also experimented on printing some digital elements on transparencies for those butterflies and flourishes. i love the effect!

i also love this picture of euan and AJ, it makes them look all soo grown up. they were both 2 years old when this was taken... and all that hug? we were all surprised when AJ hugged him so i just clicked away... now, what would euan think if he sees this years from now? hmmm...

amazed

dear son,

you'll never know how proud i was when i discovered that at three, you have learned to write your name. what started out as doodling became the letters of the alphabet. you can recite and recognize the alphabet well but you never displayed much interest in writing. or maybe i just failed to notice. so it came as a surprise when during one of our writing activities, after several times of guiding your hand to write, you took the cue and wrote down your name, all by yourself! this is a major achievement for you as a toddler and for me as a mom. i know you get frustrated at times when you can't get to write the letters properly, but you just don't know how i love those cute, imperfect strokes and reversed letters!
yet it gives me a gentle reminder to be big with praises each time you do it right (and to be generous even more when you can't seem to make everything right!). i cherish the fact that those words worked like magic for you to do more and learn more.
this is a beautiful start of your quest for knowledge. may you never tire, my eager learner!

love,
mama

today i am reminded

...to cherish every single moment

...to value whatever the world holds for me

...to look beyond the ordinary and see everything as a blessing

...to be thankful because i am loved

...to be joyful no matter what the consequences are

...to remain faithful because i am a child of god

it's all about perfect timing

I missed blogging! I missed writing down my thoughts… but most of all, I missed having to express myself in ways that I never thought I could!

I feel guilty…Guilty of letting the time pass me by so swiftly, just as where the wind has left me. Guilty of the time wasted for finding all the excuses to not do what I needed to do. You know those times when your brain is telling you to scrap but your body refuses to follow? (There goes another excuse!) Now I am left with nothing concrete on hand but just pure memories from the past.

But what if those special memories escape me? I could never have a way to relive those moments. Worse, I could never be able to pass on our life stories to the very people who have been so much a part of that journey.

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on the best way I could do the things that I need to do with the time that I have. With the many roles that I have to sanely juggle to make a happy home, I believe that the key really is to manage my time wisely. That is what I really need to improve on.

That’s why today, I feel the need to start writing those life stories. I feel the need to cherish and re-create those moments in ways that work best for me (I have tons of pictures waiting to be scrapped!). I have found once again how it is to really celebrate life! And I love it!

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p.s.

Quote: Brian Tracy; Digital kit: Eloquent Autumn by Betsy Tuma, Two Peas in a Bucket; Overlay: Jessica Sprague Grunge Frame

humbled

this was a busy week for the family...my family and our SFC friends organized a relief distribution last monday and yesterday to tunasan area (in aplaya to be exact) who were greatly affected by the typhoon. upto now, the water is still leg-deep. we have to ride a banca in order go to the church and school where the people evacuated.
monday night's distribution was a little over 30 bags only, and with my 3-yr old son euan in tow, it was frightening... at first he didn't know why we had to ride a banca, but with a lot of explanation, i think he was able to understand...
seeing that what we had distributed was not enough, we decided to set another distribution by thursday...we sent email and text brigade to ask for donations...it was not hard to mobilize our sfc friends...and so by wednesday, we re-packed goods and clothes at our place...we also sought help to our CFC south sector office - monday night they gave us clothes, blankets, water and 3 boxes of ready to eat food and by thursday, the gave clothes and food at 200 bags each plus ready to eat food like kamote, egg and bread!!! god really is good!
and so yesterday, at around 11am we went to the area again, this time with almost 20 volunteers, most were from YFC South B. good thing they were with us because it was difficult to transport and unload 4 bancas full of relief goods! i am so thankful for the people who have helped us even for a very short notice because we were all so desperate to get there the soonest. some even offered rubber and pump boats but it wasn't feasible to use them due to narrow roads in aplaya. the distribution went well but it took us til 4pm to send it out to the evacuees.
i just feel so bad that i was not able to bring enough money to feed the volunteers. we were all hungry, buti na lang masaya kasama ang mga YFC, kung nakakabusog lang ang tawa, malamang bundat na kami :D
through it all, i am humbled by the experience. i feel blessed after seeing what others went through but my heart goes out to them because they have to start building thier lives all over again knowing that many of them were not able to save any belongings...
right now, we are still seeking for donations... how we can be able to sustain their needs after this week? i don't know... but what comforts me is knowing that the Lord will provide us with more blessings so we can fill their needs ... i know that God has a hand on this... no matter how big the challenge may be, God is so much bigger and greater than all this. and i still believe that despite of what happened, our nation is still blessed.

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here's my son helping us out in sorting the goods... i'm so proud of him.. young as he is, he already knows how to share :)

thankful

Today I feel thankful… that in spite of the recent calamity that had stricken our country, we were spared from the great flood that submerged almost the entire of Luzon…
I feel even more blessed that, how a country like ours who has suffered a lot of trials as a people and as a nation, came out to be united in helping out the victims of this tragedy, where people forget about all their personal agendas in the light of extending help to those who are greatly in need.
I pray for continuous healing of our nation and of the people who have lost not just their properties but sadly, the lives of their beloved.
And if we have the capacity to help, let us do our share to care for the needs of our fellowmen. May god bless us all…

mourning

today our nation mourns for the passing of one great leader. a leader who restored democracy to our nation. a leader who has made a great impact not only to our country but to the world. that even after her term as president, she continued her fight for democracy. i respect her for the kind of leader that she was, but i admire her even more for the kind of mother that she is. her unfailing love for her family is the source of their strength. how she strive to raise her children and have remained a loving mother to them in spite of having to fight for her advocacy.

we thank you for the inspiration, president cory.

meet pee-poi

that's my new toy... actually, i've been meaning to learn poi dancing since last year but i don't know where to buy one..i've seen instructional videos but watching is different than actually doing the stuff. so when i learned that richie's good friend joseph is into poi dancing, i asked him to get one for me... and last night, i finally got hold of precious pee-poi...

joseph told us that they are sold in pairs so i got 2 pairs, one pair is a combination of neon green and neon pink and the other is blue and white. last night, we had a lot of fun doing the basics, courtesy of joseph of course... dapat pala magaling ka umilag pag nag-poi otherwise, kung saan saan ka tatamaan ... i'm still learning the moves but at least with last night's session, i'm slowly getting the groove! i love it! can't wait to try it out again this week (and hope to chip off those stubborn fat!)

dreams

Lately, I had a series of dreams. Dreams about my high school friends. Weird because I haven’t seen them nor talked to them for longest time. Sunday was about my best friend kirk. Everytime I woke up dreaming about him, I always have a feeling that he is not ok like he has a problem or something. And mostly, my gut feel would turn out to be true. But that time, I did not dare text him to check if he is ok. Monday was about my good friends Len and Erwin. They are based in Australia but in my dream, they were here, visiting us. Funny because Len had tons of cosmetics as pasalubong for us. Tuesday was about Bambi and Rosselle. In my dream, Rosselle was pregnant. And last night was about Cecille. I visited her in their house in Pacita while she was having a vacation here. But what interests me in that dream was that I saw my lola, alive! And she was with Euan, strolling along the street while I visited Cel. My lola just died recently. But in my dream, she was as strong as I remembered her.
I don't know but I have this thing about dreams. I don’t know if it is just pure coincidence that my dreams would happen in real life. But most of it really do happen and most of it are those that I just let pass or did not even bother to recall. I also have frequent deja vus and I don’t know if this has anything to do with my dreams. Now I really make it a point to remember all my dreams. I feel that it sometimes warn me from something, I don’t know but I just find it weird sometimes.
And the dream about my lola, what could that possibly mean? I had several dreams about my father who passed away 8 years ago. but I have been longing to dream about my lola since she passed away last year and as far as I can recall, this was only the second time that I dreamt of her. I don’t know what to make out of those dreams, but I think it was more of my longing, my desire to re-live the moment of being with them. Oh well…
And those dreams about my high school friends have gone overboard. 4 days straight! I really do hope that these dreams are not those that serve as a warning for impending danger. Maybe I will just send them an email. And hope for some great news.

discoveries

i can't help but be sympathetic for the sudden death of john travolta's son. the pain of losing a child is immeasurable. but i was also quite alarmed by the fact that travolta's son had kawasaki disease and later on developed asthma as reported. last year, january 25 to be exact, euan was diagnosed with kawasaki disease. good thing the doctors (after a week-long deliberation) were able to give him the (very expensive!) IVIG medicine before it hit his arteries. when he was discharged, he was under aspirin until such time that his blood tests would go back to normal. he was out of aspirin the latter part of the year but had to undergo 2d-echo every 3 months to monitor his heart for any abnormalities. but the summer of last year, we also learned that euan developed asthma. hereditary probably because richie, richie's mom and my father all had asthma.

but with the news about travolta's son made me a bit paranoid about the similarity. according to the news, he also had a history of siezures. i just can't help but worry - is this common to all kawasaki kids?

i knew that KD is a rare disease that had adverse effects to the heart if left untreated as what was explained by euan's pedia-cardio and infectious pedia doctors. all the while i thought that once infused with IVIG, it will be cured. and so he was treated with the IVIG, 8 small bottles plus 2 small smaller ones (dosage computed according to his age) plus the aspirin therapy. but with this news, i got anxious of what this would mean to euan's health. so for my own peace of mind, i googled and found out that there is a site for KD kids and parents, actually it is a foundation for KD kids. mostly, based from the sharing of the parents, their kids suffered from asthma, allegies, migraines and seizures years after the KD diagnosis. now that euan has asthma, it makes me think of the possibility that he may acquire the other effects of KD. although there were some KD kids in the forum who did not suffer any of these effects made me all the more hopeful that some were spared of the dreaded effects. i really hope euan would be spared from it or from any relapse (if there is such a case).

we haven't visited his pedia cardio nor the infectious pedia again but we were already planning on having euan undergo 2d echo again even before the news broke out. i think we really have to visit his doctors again, i just can't risk euan's health. there are so many things running in my mind and i can't help but worry.

i also learned that euan's condition as a KD victim should be well explained especially in school. that i have to deal with once euan starts school. but for now, i am really hoping that things would turn out differently for euan. he seemed okay - a very active and happy child. but i just the same, we have to be extra careful of his health. i don't want to make a big fuss out of it though, and make any special restrictions on his activities just because he had KD. i still want euan to do things normally just like any other kid.

if there's any consolation with these discoveries is the fact that i was able to know about it early on before it may even hit euan. scary but at least i am somehow prepared about it. that if ever these effects manifest on euan, i have something to refer back on. i would not face a blank wall again, just like what we have experienced at the onset of his KD.

bounce

with much anticipation, i welcomed 2009 with a wide embrace.
i had a hard time trying to be enthusiastic about the coming year, afraid of what it may bring. 2008 was not really a good year, not just my year and i can't think of spending another year thinking nothing but problems and solutions (well at least some have been solved but there are still many that remained unresolved and left hanging just like that). maybe that explains the gloomy mood i had a few days ago..i was just so afraid...
but then again, i cannot be stuck in that gloomy state. i have to move on, rather, move forward and help myself to make things better at least. and so i told myself that i will never let anything get the best of me. period.
how am i gonna do that? with a lot of prayers and a stronger faith. to just be more positive about life. to learn to count my blessings than my depair. to believe that there is a GOD bigger and greater than my seemingly hopeless problems and to know that He will not bring me to a hopeless end (after all, He is the only one who knows what the future will bring, right? so i just have to trust Him on that). and to know that despite my shortcomings and imperfections as a wife and a mother, i am truly loved by a wonderful man and a dear son.
that's enough to make me bounce back to life. enough to look forward to a happier and better year.

breathe

the year is almost over and i can't seem to shake off the bad feeling. 2008 was not a good year for me and up to the last few days of the year, everything just don't seem right. i don't want to carry all the blues to the coming year as i am hopeful that the new year will bring in a better and happier year. i hate it when i am like this, not in my usual-happy-self. but still, there's this litttle voice in my head, constantly reminding me that "life is what you make it". it's true, it all depends on me whether i want to be happy regardless of what bothers me or just sulk and stay in the gloomy side of life. but there's this part of me that wants to linger and just wallow. confused, all i can do is breathe.