{create}

yes, finally! i was able to pull my act together and came out with a lay-out! Yey! my first for the year! after being so overwhelmed with the amazing creations of Ali Edwards yesterday, i was so inspired to scrapbook.

this is the first time that i am not working on a sketch or scraplifting. i just gathered my photos and supplies and work my way into creating a page. i think part of the motivation also came from the free online class that i joined at Big Picture Scrapbooking entitled Embracing Perfection. and just a few weeks in the class, it hit me to the core of why i don't scrapbook the way i should. sure, i wanted to preserve my precious moments but i was just too afraid that my layouts would look too plain and simple compared to those of what others do. i am afraid to have mismatched colors and unproportioned layouts. i would spend time trying to figure out how my papers match with my limited supplies that i would end up frustrated and quit making the LO altogether. i am just soo afraid to have imperfect LOs. i am afraid that my family will not appreciate what i am doing.

but why do i scrapbook? does a layout have to be more important than the memories that i intend to preserve? sure that's part of scrapbooking but i think more than the visuals, it's still all about memory-keeping. i have friends who wanted to try out scrapbooking but i hear them say that they are not creative or they are not into arts. i always say that to them that we are on the same boat. i am not a born artist nor i am creative, but i just have this passion of wanting to preserve what i enjoy now so that i have something to look back to years from now.

maybe i just got it from my mom who is a "photo addict" because she likes to take pictures a lot and we had lots of photos when were kids. actually, even up to now that we have kids of our own. we have tons of albums! she told me once that she wants to have as many memories of the events in our lives and have those in pictures because she doesn't have any picutres when she was a child. how sad is that? so she delights in seeing those photos - it makes her really happy. and i want that. i think it's a legacy that i want to take on. that's where the passion is coming from.

so for those of us who are not gifted with such creativity, don't be discouraged. scrapbooking is also for us. because the very purpose of why we scrapbook is not how beautiful our layout will turn out, but it is how the memories come alive each time we see what we have created. how it brings us back to the moment and re-live those memories. pure joy!

i am still in the process of embracing everything altogether, slow-paced and all, but i know in my heart that nothing would stop me from documenting the everyday. and i am doing this for my family, to let them know that each moment with them are truly cherished, all worthy of the effort of putting it all up together - in a scrapbook layout.

in a drag

lately, i noticed that i have not been keeping up with the goals i set for myself - stuff that i need to focus on. there is that nagging feeling inside me - longing to create, wanting to document life, craving to get out of the rut.

but i find comfort in knowing that i don't intend to do all this as a task meant to burden - i want to do this because i enjoy doing it regardless of time. i don't want to be bounded by time, although i have known myself to work best given a deadline.

although i have not been literally creating LOs, i noticed that i am writing more, scribbling ideas and taking notes of little stuff which would merit a LO in the future or something that would be included in project life (once i have those in my hands). and although there is a feeling that i should be doing it now, i feel somewhat assured that i have something tangible that i can go back to because i have written it down. my memory always fail me that's why i love the idea of scrapbooking and preserving memories. my journal and cellphone are a mess with scribbled notes and ideas but i like that it allows me to remember my simple joys. for now, i like how it keeps me in the know, how i am more sensitive to the people around me, how i more attuned with my son, how my life is revolving around my family, how i am learning more about myself as a mother and as a wife. and that is what's important.

glimpse of {u}

today, we are all excited to go to the sonologist. i'm glad that we are all in this as a family - with richie and euan all set to go with me at the hospital.

today, we found out that we are having a BOY (again!), much to euan's delight. he was the happiest when he heard that we are having a boy - with a resounding YES!!, a clutched fist and a cheeky smile. but he suddenly wished it was a girl so mama can have a partner. so sweet of him to think of that. but later when would ask him if he's happy to have a baby brother, he'd always answer YES with a grin!

today, we saw a glimpse of the baby in my womb - a lot of moving, kicking, yawning, thumbsucking, and best of all, SMILING at us! the flash of that big smile melts my heart. and seeing both richie and euan's wide-eyed stares makes it a wonderful experience altogether.

today, we all talked about the experience endlessly. how i was amazed at richie and euan's candid expressions during the whole ultrasound, how euan's eyes popped and jaws dropped when he heard baby's heartbeat saying, "that's baby!", or how perfect the timing was when baby flashed that big smile while euan was candidly singing (for lack of anything to do) or how different this experience was during euan's time. richie is one proud dad, saying that he feels that this baby seems a bit more personable. i think he is still awed seeing the baby smile :) i am still overwhelmed by it!

that one precious smile... if only i could get a glimpse of what my baby was thinking then... but i could sense that he is eager to see us, happy that we are all there to catch a glimpse of him, excited all the more to show us that there is indeed a miracle inside my womb - one healthy bouncing happy baby boy!

i {heart} u

last friday, i got this from euan. when he saw me, he hid this behind his back and told me to kiss him. then he proudly held up his hand with his gift and told me: Happy Valentine's day Mama! I love you!

My {heart} just melts with him! I so love him dearly!

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last weekend, we made several valentine's gift for his grand parents and cousins. he was so excited it them that the moment it was finished, he raced to them and gave his gifts. i love how he is becoming thoughtful now. and i also love that he is now getting more involved into this gift-giving, more than just writing his name but he helps in putting glue and pasting stuff here and there.

for C and N, we made this owl.



this peek-a-boo card for his grandparents was the cutest, that they just love it!



for richie, we made this mini book. this is my take from ali edwards' i love you mini book. i tweaked it a bit as i didn't have a fabric to work on. this is actually my first project for the year. i've been wanting to create and finally i was able to make one. it just feels liberating to do something creative! this is also my first time to try out a hybrid project. on the last page, euan wrote a note. opposite that page is his thumb-print to form a heart. it looked perfect when we tried it out on scratch paper, but somehow looked a bit odd when we did it on the actual book. richie didn't noticed it at first, but euan was quick to point out that he made a heart out of his thumbs. clever kid!


some reflections:
it was a relatively easy project to do because it's all print and go... ali provided a template and tutorial for it and so all you have to do is to assemble. but while i was doing it, i keep on getting the wrong measurements that i was so tempted to give up the entire project. i was also pressed for time! and when i was going through my stash, i found out that i don't have a red patterned paper to work on! but i just can't let frustration ran over me {i was so so bent on doing this for my dear hubby}, so i just "improvised" everything to make it work. i think what is good about scrapbooking is how it does not limit your creativity but it challenge you to be more resourceful {and gets you more creative} into making an imperfect project perfect to your liking.

besides the wet glue {because it was finished just before he was at the doorsteps}, dear hubby was so happy about it altogether. and that made me even happier!

happy valentines day!

losing steam

i admit it. there are times when i really lose my steam especially when dealing with my toddler. he is at the stage when he gets what he wants even if it is the wrong way. last night, i heard him (and his cousins) arguing while playing snakes and ladders. E wants to be the first to finish the race so he tweaked his move so he can climb the ladder. C got mad and a series of shouting ang arguing began.

it is so frustrating when kids act like this... but i think it is more of me than the kids getting frustrated over it. i tried my best not to get in the argument but the moment i saw them making faces at one another, i gave in to the arguement. and it did not help at all, even if that was my intention.

in these moments i feel guilty. because i let it all blow off instead of letting them handle the situation. sure i wanted to teach my son how to rely on his own, but whenever i see them in constrant brawl with one another, i am almost sure to find myself in the middle of it. i cannot just let my son fight with others, moreso with his cousins but am i doing the right thing of constantly getting in the midst of every fight? even in knowing that after each fight, they are back in their playful mood, as if nothing happened? that's how kids are, right?

i am not a perfect parent, but i strive hard to be a good one. but it is beginning to take its toll on me and it defeats the purpose of my desire to be a a good one.

in my reflections last night, i really felt bad and guilty. guilty of having to lose my patience in dealing with son. i felt bad for getting mad each time he doesn't do what he is supposed to do. and with a new baby coming, i cannot help but feel that if i am to continue this way, i am no less near my strife to be a good parent.

in 7 toxic parenting styles. are you guilty? , it descibes how parenting has become more challenging due to the dictates of our modern culture. i find that striving too hard would not do my kid any favor but it adds up to him having a stressed and anxious mom and me having an even stressed and anxious kid.

now i challenge myself to exercise (more) patience in dealing with my kid, to relax a bit, change my perspective and get rid of my expectations - to just let my kid be a kid.

i have constantly reminded myself in the past to choose my battles with E, but i always, always fail. but it never hurts to stretch myself more to try again as much as i can, to pick my battles and let go of the little things that annoys me more than him. i have to learn to be more gentle, kinder and be extra patient with him. and more importantly, i would have to learn to let him do things independently, to refrain myself from always being on the rescue so that he'll learn how to handle things, to do and act right without me doing it for him.

i know that my son is just in a phase that he will soon pass just like how i know in my heart that these challenges and anxieties shall all too wear off in time.

joy

i am excited today because it is the start of the joy of love by kelly willette. it is a free class that i joined and for the whole month of february. and i will be in for a real good tutorial to enhance and brush up with photography!
i really wanted to improve on my photography, and with my one little word focus, i think that i'm moving along with my goals for the year! yey! although it is still a constant struggle to not get swamped in cyberworld but i think i now have a good grip of how to spend my time. properly.
on with joy of love, today's lesson is sooo cool and i find that it is also a perfect way to capture the everyday moments for project life (but still haven't found a way how to get that turquoise edition! im still on the look out for cheaper shipping options! and i'm getting frustrated about it!)...
can't wait to get home tonight to take some pictures....