hello {project life} !

i am so excited! project life is now in singapore!!! scraplicious is carrying the Project Life for southeast asia! great news! i am just as glad that PL is finally close to home. singapore is so near that it makes me want to fly there and get the stuff! but that will make it more expensive! good thing i have friends over there to get/send it for me!

i just pre-ordered my PL! Clementine, i can't wait for you!

i am still catching up with project life... i am way behind (more on my approach, i will surely make a post on that), but i love what it has done to me in terms of memory keeping.. it is a HUGE plunge for me, i must admit but it is all WORTH IT!

and seeing my son look at it and hearing him REMEMBER those moments make my heart melt!

looking at one of those unfinished spread... {love that look on his face!}

jumpstart

is it september already? the past months seemed like a blur.

right now, life is a challenge especially with having a new baby and an active pre-schooler in tow. very daunting that it has consumed all my time, energy and effort, shuffling in between the many hats that i have to wear each day. i have totally not forgotten about my goals but more often than not, when i am about to do my stuff, something would come up - a baby that needs soothing or a cry of help from a boy who can't find his fave toy or even an errand to be done for hubby.

right now, there's a nagging feeling to organize and get back into the groove again. yet again, i am overwhelmed. early this year i made an attempt to take my memory keeping into a different level. and so i did (and is still doing) project life. although i want to keep it current, i also intend to work backwards to january so i could get the whole year of 2011. yes, it is a tough thing to do, with the time that i have in my hands. but when i saw what i did for the months of february to half of april, it made me soar. especially when i see my son flipping through its pages. he just loves seeing his photos in an album. and the good thing is that i haven't lost the urge to take photos and jot down bits and pieces of everyday life. when i went through my project life photos, i noticed that there are weeks that come with few photos and there are weeks that come aplenty. i am totally fine with that. i know that when i come face to face with project life again, i can come up with something to make it fit my liking.

right now, i need to make all things work on my side. as the month of september sets in, i intend to update my project life, make it more current and simple. and when i am fully adjusted to being a mother to two adorable kids, i would love to dabble on traditional scrapbooking.

right now, i continue to be inspired by others who share the same passion as mine. their works have ignited that love for creativity that has been put off for quite a time now. i am keeping the spark to make mine aglow.

yey for project life

i am soo excited that finally my project life is here!!! i am happy to be able to get hold of this product (even if it costs me a lot!) but i really believe that system will work for me to record our life now, especially that we will be having baby #2 very soon. this should work because i was only able to put up 1 album for euan - his baby photos (my bad). all the photos are stuck in my computer.

so on top of arranging all the page protectors and title cards, one of the things in my to do list is to select the pictures that will go in this project. since i am so bent to try this out in january (but decided to order on february), i have been taking snapshots of our lives. at first i admit, i planned to do a picture-a-day approach but there are days that i am so stumped, that i decided to go on a weekly approach. i have never taken so many pictures than now so i decided to organize my pictures on a weekly basis and select from there which would go to the PL and which would be for regular LOs. also, since i started with lots of pictures in january, i have been doing some journaling that i have written either here in my blog or in my journal. although i have read in PL community that backtracking is not really recommended as one can really start at any month of the year, i intend to start with the current week and work my way backwards to january and see if i can make the whole of almost 3 months worth of photos. i hope i can manage it since i am almost complete with the journaling. it's just a matter of putting it all together. but if not, then it's ok, i can use those in the regular LOs.

so this is my gameplan. i believe i can do this. all i need is to focus (olw) on my gameplan.

high five

today you are frequently moving. you made sure that your every somersaults and kicks were felt big time. sometimes i feel like my tummy is going to explode because of your mighty moves. but feeling you move so vigorously is the best thing, knowing that you are healthy and you respond to our every tummy rub :)

just like last night. i placed euan's hand on my tummy to let him feel you move. and after a while, you nudged his hand and euan's jaw just dropped in surprise! it was his first time to feel you and that made him so happy. "that's him doing a high five with you", i said. and so when he put his hand again in my tummy, he said, 'baby, high five!".

at this early, i'm just as glad that for that brief moment, you have bonded with your brother. and i just pray that you will be the best of friends for life.

overjoyed

finally! project life is on it's way! i am very excited to get my hands to it although it might take a while before i get hold of this album. got johnny air cargo to ship it here and i have yet to see how things go. as of the moment i'm just so happy that johnny air representative emailed me that PL is delivered already and they are just waiting for the my other shipments (refills and page protectors). hopefully in the next 2 weeks, i will finally be able to start working on project life. yey!

{create}

yes, finally! i was able to pull my act together and came out with a lay-out! Yey! my first for the year! after being so overwhelmed with the amazing creations of Ali Edwards yesterday, i was so inspired to scrapbook.

this is the first time that i am not working on a sketch or scraplifting. i just gathered my photos and supplies and work my way into creating a page. i think part of the motivation also came from the free online class that i joined at Big Picture Scrapbooking entitled Embracing Perfection. and just a few weeks in the class, it hit me to the core of why i don't scrapbook the way i should. sure, i wanted to preserve my precious moments but i was just too afraid that my layouts would look too plain and simple compared to those of what others do. i am afraid to have mismatched colors and unproportioned layouts. i would spend time trying to figure out how my papers match with my limited supplies that i would end up frustrated and quit making the LO altogether. i am just soo afraid to have imperfect LOs. i am afraid that my family will not appreciate what i am doing.

but why do i scrapbook? does a layout have to be more important than the memories that i intend to preserve? sure that's part of scrapbooking but i think more than the visuals, it's still all about memory-keeping. i have friends who wanted to try out scrapbooking but i hear them say that they are not creative or they are not into arts. i always say that to them that we are on the same boat. i am not a born artist nor i am creative, but i just have this passion of wanting to preserve what i enjoy now so that i have something to look back to years from now.

maybe i just got it from my mom who is a "photo addict" because she likes to take pictures a lot and we had lots of photos when were kids. actually, even up to now that we have kids of our own. we have tons of albums! she told me once that she wants to have as many memories of the events in our lives and have those in pictures because she doesn't have any picutres when she was a child. how sad is that? so she delights in seeing those photos - it makes her really happy. and i want that. i think it's a legacy that i want to take on. that's where the passion is coming from.

so for those of us who are not gifted with such creativity, don't be discouraged. scrapbooking is also for us. because the very purpose of why we scrapbook is not how beautiful our layout will turn out, but it is how the memories come alive each time we see what we have created. how it brings us back to the moment and re-live those memories. pure joy!

i am still in the process of embracing everything altogether, slow-paced and all, but i know in my heart that nothing would stop me from documenting the everyday. and i am doing this for my family, to let them know that each moment with them are truly cherished, all worthy of the effort of putting it all up together - in a scrapbook layout.

in a drag

lately, i noticed that i have not been keeping up with the goals i set for myself - stuff that i need to focus on. there is that nagging feeling inside me - longing to create, wanting to document life, craving to get out of the rut.

but i find comfort in knowing that i don't intend to do all this as a task meant to burden - i want to do this because i enjoy doing it regardless of time. i don't want to be bounded by time, although i have known myself to work best given a deadline.

although i have not been literally creating LOs, i noticed that i am writing more, scribbling ideas and taking notes of little stuff which would merit a LO in the future or something that would be included in project life (once i have those in my hands). and although there is a feeling that i should be doing it now, i feel somewhat assured that i have something tangible that i can go back to because i have written it down. my memory always fail me that's why i love the idea of scrapbooking and preserving memories. my journal and cellphone are a mess with scribbled notes and ideas but i like that it allows me to remember my simple joys. for now, i like how it keeps me in the know, how i am more sensitive to the people around me, how i more attuned with my son, how my life is revolving around my family, how i am learning more about myself as a mother and as a wife. and that is what's important.

glimpse of {u}

today, we are all excited to go to the sonologist. i'm glad that we are all in this as a family - with richie and euan all set to go with me at the hospital.

today, we found out that we are having a BOY (again!), much to euan's delight. he was the happiest when he heard that we are having a boy - with a resounding YES!!, a clutched fist and a cheeky smile. but he suddenly wished it was a girl so mama can have a partner. so sweet of him to think of that. but later when would ask him if he's happy to have a baby brother, he'd always answer YES with a grin!

today, we saw a glimpse of the baby in my womb - a lot of moving, kicking, yawning, thumbsucking, and best of all, SMILING at us! the flash of that big smile melts my heart. and seeing both richie and euan's wide-eyed stares makes it a wonderful experience altogether.

today, we all talked about the experience endlessly. how i was amazed at richie and euan's candid expressions during the whole ultrasound, how euan's eyes popped and jaws dropped when he heard baby's heartbeat saying, "that's baby!", or how perfect the timing was when baby flashed that big smile while euan was candidly singing (for lack of anything to do) or how different this experience was during euan's time. richie is one proud dad, saying that he feels that this baby seems a bit more personable. i think he is still awed seeing the baby smile :) i am still overwhelmed by it!

that one precious smile... if only i could get a glimpse of what my baby was thinking then... but i could sense that he is eager to see us, happy that we are all there to catch a glimpse of him, excited all the more to show us that there is indeed a miracle inside my womb - one healthy bouncing happy baby boy!

i {heart} u

last friday, i got this from euan. when he saw me, he hid this behind his back and told me to kiss him. then he proudly held up his hand with his gift and told me: Happy Valentine's day Mama! I love you!

My {heart} just melts with him! I so love him dearly!

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last weekend, we made several valentine's gift for his grand parents and cousins. he was so excited it them that the moment it was finished, he raced to them and gave his gifts. i love how he is becoming thoughtful now. and i also love that he is now getting more involved into this gift-giving, more than just writing his name but he helps in putting glue and pasting stuff here and there.

for C and N, we made this owl.



this peek-a-boo card for his grandparents was the cutest, that they just love it!



for richie, we made this mini book. this is my take from ali edwards' i love you mini book. i tweaked it a bit as i didn't have a fabric to work on. this is actually my first project for the year. i've been wanting to create and finally i was able to make one. it just feels liberating to do something creative! this is also my first time to try out a hybrid project. on the last page, euan wrote a note. opposite that page is his thumb-print to form a heart. it looked perfect when we tried it out on scratch paper, but somehow looked a bit odd when we did it on the actual book. richie didn't noticed it at first, but euan was quick to point out that he made a heart out of his thumbs. clever kid!


some reflections:
it was a relatively easy project to do because it's all print and go... ali provided a template and tutorial for it and so all you have to do is to assemble. but while i was doing it, i keep on getting the wrong measurements that i was so tempted to give up the entire project. i was also pressed for time! and when i was going through my stash, i found out that i don't have a red patterned paper to work on! but i just can't let frustration ran over me {i was so so bent on doing this for my dear hubby}, so i just "improvised" everything to make it work. i think what is good about scrapbooking is how it does not limit your creativity but it challenge you to be more resourceful {and gets you more creative} into making an imperfect project perfect to your liking.

besides the wet glue {because it was finished just before he was at the doorsteps}, dear hubby was so happy about it altogether. and that made me even happier!

happy valentines day!

losing steam

i admit it. there are times when i really lose my steam especially when dealing with my toddler. he is at the stage when he gets what he wants even if it is the wrong way. last night, i heard him (and his cousins) arguing while playing snakes and ladders. E wants to be the first to finish the race so he tweaked his move so he can climb the ladder. C got mad and a series of shouting ang arguing began.

it is so frustrating when kids act like this... but i think it is more of me than the kids getting frustrated over it. i tried my best not to get in the argument but the moment i saw them making faces at one another, i gave in to the arguement. and it did not help at all, even if that was my intention.

in these moments i feel guilty. because i let it all blow off instead of letting them handle the situation. sure i wanted to teach my son how to rely on his own, but whenever i see them in constrant brawl with one another, i am almost sure to find myself in the middle of it. i cannot just let my son fight with others, moreso with his cousins but am i doing the right thing of constantly getting in the midst of every fight? even in knowing that after each fight, they are back in their playful mood, as if nothing happened? that's how kids are, right?

i am not a perfect parent, but i strive hard to be a good one. but it is beginning to take its toll on me and it defeats the purpose of my desire to be a a good one.

in my reflections last night, i really felt bad and guilty. guilty of having to lose my patience in dealing with son. i felt bad for getting mad each time he doesn't do what he is supposed to do. and with a new baby coming, i cannot help but feel that if i am to continue this way, i am no less near my strife to be a good parent.

in 7 toxic parenting styles. are you guilty? , it descibes how parenting has become more challenging due to the dictates of our modern culture. i find that striving too hard would not do my kid any favor but it adds up to him having a stressed and anxious mom and me having an even stressed and anxious kid.

now i challenge myself to exercise (more) patience in dealing with my kid, to relax a bit, change my perspective and get rid of my expectations - to just let my kid be a kid.

i have constantly reminded myself in the past to choose my battles with E, but i always, always fail. but it never hurts to stretch myself more to try again as much as i can, to pick my battles and let go of the little things that annoys me more than him. i have to learn to be more gentle, kinder and be extra patient with him. and more importantly, i would have to learn to let him do things independently, to refrain myself from always being on the rescue so that he'll learn how to handle things, to do and act right without me doing it for him.

i know that my son is just in a phase that he will soon pass just like how i know in my heart that these challenges and anxieties shall all too wear off in time.

joy

i am excited today because it is the start of the joy of love by kelly willette. it is a free class that i joined and for the whole month of february. and i will be in for a real good tutorial to enhance and brush up with photography!
i really wanted to improve on my photography, and with my one little word focus, i think that i'm moving along with my goals for the year! yey! although it is still a constant struggle to not get swamped in cyberworld but i think i now have a good grip of how to spend my time. properly.
on with joy of love, today's lesson is sooo cool and i find that it is also a perfect way to capture the everyday moments for project life (but still haven't found a way how to get that turquoise edition! im still on the look out for cheaper shipping options! and i'm getting frustrated about it!)...
can't wait to get home tonight to take some pictures....

my one LITTLE word

my hopes for this year are high.

i want to capture life as it happens. i want to write more. i want to hone my creativity. i want to brush up with photography. i want to do this altogether. frequently. consistently.

yet these desires are overwhelming me. my intention to do this not just for my family but for myself as well makes it all daunting.

and for quite some time now, i've been doing a lot of thinking on how to channel all my energy into achieving all this. i've been working on how i can motivate (*challenge* would be more fitting) myself to put all these hopes into something that is realistic, something that is tangible.

this year, i am inspired by ali edwards' one little word. i am not joining her class though. but i like how this one little word is meant to inspire. i like how this word would lead you to endless possibilities.

and so my one little word for this year is focus. my hopes need my full concentration, my whole attention. i see that this little word would move me into making all my hopes come together.

i am happy with my one little word. it excites me. i feel that it will guide me. it will lead me to the right track. and my heart just beats for it, and that's what matters.

rhythm of you

today, at five months, you are moving frequently. it gives me a different kind of joy having to feel you more often - your every kick, your every nudge, your every beat. your movement seem to be the language that only you and i share.

you seem to move when there is music but you move ever so vigorously when you hear kuya or papa's voice. it seems to me that you can't wait to see them. well, they are eager to see you too that kuya even wants to go inside my belly so he can play with you!

i am happy that one night, papa felt your nudge. i think it was more of a kick because it was a strong one. i love how you have let him feel you. for that one brief encounter, you just don't know how happy it made him. how much more if you are already here!

we can't wait for the day to finally see you!

overwhelmed

dear son,

i don't know if i have to feel happy about it but at four years old, your attachment to me is quite overwhelming. each morning is a struggle for me to go to work because you would always beg me to stay! you are not even an early-riser but i don't quite understand how my noiseless attempt to get off to bed seem to wake you up. sometimes, when luck is on my side and i could get off easily, i would be surprised to see you up the minute i'm out of the door!

leaving is equally a hard battle. endless talk of me having to go to work amidst your endless whining for me to just stay and be with you the whole day. but after the meltdown, you would kiss me and let me go!

and today, just before you kissed me goodbye, you told me: "Mama, eat breakfast first!"
you are such a thoughtful kid!

love,
mama

in retrospect

i'm not into new year's resolutions but lately i've been thinking a lot on so many things i want to do for this year. things that i want to improve on and things that i needed to do but wasn't able to. and so now i wanted to not just dip my toes but take the plunge and dive into a different level of memory keeping.

so this year i want to start anew with project life.

last year i made only around 5 LOs... not bad for a moody and slow scrapper like me but it also did not fulfill my need to record memories. i took a lot of pictures but those did not end in scrapbook projects, they were buried in my hard drive. so now i have tons of backlog and i'm thinking of a better way to do with those pictures.

i also noticed that euan loves to see pictures of him and that is a major cue for me to put up an album for him. NOW. which would mean simple LOs that would document the now of things. i want him to remember. i want him to leaf through the pages of his life. this year i want him to be involved not just as the subject of LOs but i want him to be able to write down some of his thoughts or even get the actual bits and pieces of his daily activities like his doodling and drawings. i love that he loves my LOs, which is a big inspiration for me to really make this process work.

i also want to be able to involve richie as well. between the two of us, he is now better at taking pictures even if i am the one who influenced him into photography. i wanted him to be able to capture life and to capture him capturing life.

i also want to take more piuctures of me and have it in LOs as well. and i also wanted to be able to take more pictures that would speak more of how our lives are, NOW. i also wanted to take more family pictures because i also noticed that we only have a few. even if it means taking it from a tripod or just from self-timer and not-so-perfect photos, i would be more than happy if we would have plenty of pictures together as a family.

i also see that i work best with a deadline. most of the LOs i did were from a blog challenge so i think i can do more if i set myself on something. this would not mean having to pressure myself to take photos a week or do a LO a week. but i want this to be free flowing, something that i will enjoy doing. with a lot of things happening this year, especially with the coming baby, i wanted this to be simple, doable and enjoyable. thinking about it ignites my creativity and all its possibilities. i think i will love this process.

this is a great, big plunge for me. it overwhelms me but i know in my heart that it can be done. one little problem though, project life is sold out after i decided to even try it! guess i would have to keep everything digital first, journal and all then transfer them to the album when it arrives. at least i have something to start with...

that's the spirit! cheers to creativity!

blissful moments

there are many things to be thankful for this month. after hubby's birthday, today we are celebrating our 5th anniversary. at about this time, we are done with our exchange of vows and was pronounced husband and wife. i can still remember what fr. ador told us in his homily...that 2:45PM, the exact time we were exchanging our vows, is our special prayer time - it is a time that we should pray for each other, where ever we may be. even at times when we failed to be consistent with this promise, because of the many things that we've been doing (although that is not a fair excuse), we never forget to pray for each other before bedtime. this year i hope start the habit of praying for my hubby during our special prayer time.

to my dear husband,

thank you for being with me through thick and thin. our journey was never easy and i know that things will remain to be challenging in the future, but knowing that you are there to take my hand every single step calms my restless heart. the life experiences we have shared along the way made us stronger as a couple and i could never imagine having anyone to share it with than you. YOU have made the journey worthwhile. thank you and i love you so much!

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and while i am in bliss, i am also celebrating friendships. it's always refreshing to be with friends who, even if you haven't seen for a while has kept the same warmth over the years. i love my college friends! i love how we have stood with each other as life unfolds. we've seen the best and worst of each other and i love that those were not enough reasons for us to grow apart but instead formed a stronger bond of friendship. i love that we were able to look back and laugh at all our impulsive decisions and silly mistakes during our younger years. and i love that those remained to be private among us. best of all, i love that we have remained true to each other over the years. it really feels good to have true friends who would welcome you with open arms in spite and despite of.

hopeful

As i bid goodbye to a challenging 2010, i am looking forward to 2011 with hope.
2010 was not a perfect year for me but God always has His way of making His presence felt in my life. He has gifted me another chance on motherhood, my top blessing for 2010. He has made me experience His love through the joys of having a wonderful, happy toddler who rocked my world big time. I found His strength through my loving husband to whom i find comfort when all else seemed helpless. He has constantly reminded me to be joyful, even when trials get the better of me.
As I welcome 2011 with much hope, I also embrace it with much thanksgiving as we celebrate my husband's birthday. His birthday has always been a gentle reminder for me to be thankful at the start of each year - with the blessing of another year of love, joy, and friendship.

Happy new year! May 2011 be a better year for all of us. Cheers!